"An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying....."
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Advanced Basics: Life Edition
Some people assume that I fight and train out of insecurity. What started as the desire to have a better shot at defending myself and those for whom I care has become a life long process of self-improvement. Training is far more humbling. Each day I roll with guys stronger, heavier, better, and more experienced than myself. Most days involved admitting defeat, being bested in the form of a tab/submission. I'll go a week without submitting anyone. Some days, a great day is just surviving and managing to avoid being tapped out.
Try that for your insecurities. I've learned more about myself in the long years of training and competition than in virtually every other facet/endeavor in my life.
I was rolling at Jiu-Jitsu last night. I had been worried that I'd have lost a lot of finer points in my absence and to be sure I wound up in some bad positions, nearly tapped out, but overall, the time away did me good in showing how far I've come since my last fight.
My instructor had recently been to a seminar and he was talking about "advanced basics"....nothing super fantastical, nothing over the top balls ridiculously hard. Just refined movements that are based on the fundamental basics of mat work. Things that work regardless of the situation, regardless of the opponent: sound fundamental principles that are based on the universe and physics.
I'm going to talk about a cornerstone of LIFE/Game that is not focused on enough. It's an important one from the first interaction to those of you who operate long term game: Controlling closure/Drawing the line in the sand.
This is a fundamental "line in the sand" that may cost you acquaintances and fair weather friends...and unfortunately even some of those intrinsic to your personal life.....but those who know you will respect you whether or not they stay in your life.
You must be willing to walk away from people, situations, & offers that are not on your terms.
Delineating what is in your best interest in an entirely different subject I will not broach at this time. This isn't a self-help/advice website/forum.
I'm talking about a friend who wants you to co-sign on a student loan for a chick he's been dating 6 months.
A boss that treats you like shit and degrades you.
A Co-worker that steals your work.
A friend who turns their back on you for personal decisions you've made.
A relative that wrongs you/stabs you in the back.
A snake in the grass that pretends to be a friend all the while scheming on a girl you're dating....
When dating....drawing the line in the sand regarding expectations, labels, seeing others, dancing with others...blah blah. This isn't about fairness. If everyone was the same, consistency in its purest form would be possible. It's not. Men and women are not the same. What's good for the goose is good for the gander is the stupidest phrase in history. If that phrase was true American women would be happy? Who was the last HAPPY WOMAN you met? Name one. Seriously. I want you to think of the last HAPPY woman you met? Not pleasant. Not Smiling. I'm talking Fucking Happy. With a thirst for life, for experience, for fun...who genuinely was happy with herself and her life? Seriously. Can you name one?
I have digressed.....The key is that you must be willing to draw that line in the sand and ACTUALLY walk away when your bluff is called. A lot of times the bluff won't even be called....but when it is, pack your shit and hit the trail, movin' on down the line.
"It's my way or the highway."
You may not be right. You may be utterly wrong. No one ever said you had to be right/correct to draw a line in the sand. That does not matter. It's Alamo time, bitches. Draw the line in the sand and walk away if need be.
This has cost me friends, acquaintances, jobs, girlfriends, and several family members. - Welcome to the Alamo called "Life".