"An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying....."
As bad as you think it sounded, sometimes the cold hard truth is what we need to move on. I was never told why my ex left. I asked because I wanted the ugly truth, all of it. If it had to do with me I wanted to fix it. He gave a cop out answer "too immature to handle the relationship." If he'd taken the time to write something this honest, at least I could move on with some dignity. Maybe you tried to sabotage the relationship because you fell so deep in love for her that you were afraid to get closer.