"An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying....."
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Been busy with some last minute work/deadlines and such. Hadn't written much less posted anything lately. Yes, to those concerned that emailed, I am still alive. I know that seems to be a concern when I go silent for a few days. At any rate, the following irritate me and I look forward to them hibernating until next October: Holiday music, irritable people shopping and taking power coffee breaks @ my favorite cafes, and the extra traffic.
I was thinking earlier about the malcontents and legion of men who poison their bodies with booze, drugs, self-abasement, addiction, obesity, food, porn....et cetera.
Gave a homeless man a few bucks the other day. It occurred to me that he would likely spend it on some crack or some malt liquor. I'm not opposed to sipping PBR after a long day @ work, who am I to talk shit? That guy will probably sleep outside tonight. He's a tougher bastard than I am and in a different time, we'd be fighting over some food or a woman or land. I'm lucky enough that society has put in place checks and balances to weight things more heavily in my favor....if for this time period if nothing else. I had a semi-family unit that managed to provide me with the education to get me past minimum wage work and the like. My drinking is probably comparable to this man's and would likely surpass his were I not so devoted to my choice of hobbies/sports. I have an apartment but that goes back to my 'rents and their willingness to help me through college. I am not addicted to drugs, but only b/c booze is my drug of choice. Perhaps all of this is wrong, and he is on the street b/c of choices he made that threw "it all away" and put him where he is. I've made some SERIOUS fucking mistakes that could have easily taken away my job, career, family/friends et cetera....I just got lucky in the big dice roll that is chance, life, and probability. It's the holidays that perhaps has me thinking about how equal we all are when you strip us down....or perhaps life has taught me with the situations I've placed and/or found myself in that things are not so black and white as we all like to think when we judge others.
I've been fortunate. I have a passion/hobby that keeps me from drinking every single note, gives reason to eat well, and a reason to not hit the nearest bar as soon as work ends. I've dated, loved, and lost a number of incredible women and will forever maintain my adoration for their capriciousness tempered with the understanding of their irrationality. I have the support of my 'rents and close friends whom I trust. I have a vice for booze, the lesser of evils when compared to other illicit substances.
All in all, as this year closes its days I have much to be thankful for, if only in that things could be far worse. It's been a year of experience if not learning: fought again, competed much, staved off infirmity, spent another summer in the brink but salvaged myself and won in front of hundreds yet again, lost my love but have managed for the most part to avoid hurting her any more......and if I come up with a resolution, I'll let you know. It's not looking likely, but hey, if the blog was all positivity and me living the sane, normal life, what fun would reading it actually be? Thanks again dear readers, some of you have been with me for quite awhile. More to come....as always.