"An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying....."
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Livin'(?) the Dream(?)
Christmas (engorged lines of buyers and stores) has passed. We are left with stuff we bought, stuff we were given...and whatever else comes with celebrating a season.
The commercials continue without the holiday pressure to add to the encouragement to buy. Yet, the onslaught of commercialism never stops grinding. Xmas ends and we are less than 6 weeks roughly removed from Valentine's Day. *sigh* A month before Xmas we had Thanksgiving's gluttony and a month before that there was f'ing Halloween more increasingly pushed as an adult-celebrated holiday as well. After February comes summer vacations, 4th of July, Memorial Day and the like. There is no end to consumer driven/focused holidays to choose from. Add in a girlfriend's bday and if you're not actively shopping for some holiday then you are saving up to soon buy for one.
In reality, these all sell something: love, company, good times of merriment, BBQ's, fulfillment et cetera. They sell an ideal. Just like marriage. Just like kids. Just like stuff. They sell a fulfillment. They sell a feeling of contentedness.
The less I buy stuff, the happier I am. This is a trend I have noticed over the past few years since exiting college. When I need a new shirt to mix in the wardrobe, I get it. When it's time for a hat to mix up my ensemble, or a scarf, shoes whatever, I get it. I'm not some total anti-consumer clown devoid of the need for some material possessions. As such, however, I do not ascribe anything other than contemporary and current value to them. They are REPLACEABLE. My point is that the end goal, the end dream of the family with the holidays and the presents under the tree with the nice car parked inside the garage is the ultimate sucker's bet.
I was out drinking with an old buddy on Xmas Eve. I had an awesome time. I had no one expecting shit of me. I got busy drinking downtown and went until blackout. I hit on girls. I felt the warmth of some Jack & Cokes, and I shot the shit with an old buddy. No expensive consumer purchases requiring loans needed.
When society tells us the childless, godless, unmarried, non-wealthy (not poor per se, but not overly wealthy....comfortable as they say) are unhappy, how much of that is projection? How much of that is what they hope b/c they are tired, trapped, expected of, demanded of, required of, and resentful as such of those free from such obligations?
I don't know. And obtaining a truthful answer to the above is tough as there are those married, with children, working jobs they hate to pay debt they barely afford types that insist the 20 min's of joy while kids open presents is a good trade.....but I'm honestly not so fucking sure.
The times I've spent with family or a significant other's fam at Xmas or other holidays has always been pleasant I 'spose.....but easily something I could do without and/or would not miss were I not to have it. It's about value I 'spose. It's about deciding what you want/need based on....well, what YOU want/need and not based on what the masses say you SHOULD want/need.
That's just my take on it I 'spose. Perhaps the call of ex's who insisted I would be lonely, that I would be sad, that I would miss them in unbearable fashion is ringing hollow as fuck as of late, and I want other(s) to know that those words become a self-fulfilling prophecy if you let them...or they become weightless air that blows without your even registering it....should you so choose/decide. This is not to say that I don't miss them in some fashion or another. I simply accept that what they needed I could not provide nor was I sure that I would ever be able to. When you crossover from the phase of potential to the phase of clear expectations, this is when extrication becomes difficult. It is a process that grows easier with practice, trust me good sirs.
My happiest day is spent working out then relaxing over a beer, or a good day in a comfy chair reading at a bookstore. Could I have more shit if I drank less? Sure. Do I want more shit? No. The peace of a good woman is alluring. The waking up next to a soft figure, curves, and dark hair is as appealing to me as fucking said type of woman. For me they are closely intertwined. However, will I acquiesce my freedom for either side of that equation? No. I can't say that I ever will.
Now I cut back my drinking for a desire to travel. This is based not on some desire to look down on consumers of products, but after careful assessment of my own wants/desires/impulses as a better spending of my money for something other than cheap and short term thrills.
Be who and what you are. Do not apologize. Do not waiver. Cast aside the expectations and "should"s of others. Look within.