Thursday, February 11, 2010

Life is Humorous

In Humorous news...I ran into an ex from a loooong time ago this past weekend.

I'll put this in terms any guy will understand: She's gotten fat.

I haven't :)

I have to admit, it kinda made me smile. Well, no, let me be more accurate. I felt bad that she was slightly older than me yet considerably heavier (plus her being shorter). Then she gave me this fake "hello" bit (her life sucks)....and I grinned. B/c she is fat. She's married too. To a schnerdling (got that from Roissy) guy who's already got the beer gut, stubby nose, outward jutting chin, glasses combo with some young guy haircut. I can almost imagine his shallow, tepid semi-thrusts made difficult by his gut hanging onto her considerable girl-paunch and fat titties jiggling as they huff and puff and blow down the house that mediocrity built with the ovum and sperm seeking to make mediocre carbon copies of themselves. *shudder*

Weeks ago, I'd passed her husband, rather he walked by me in a bar. I didn't notice him at first, and I guess he was butthurt I didn't recognize the husband of a chick I dated something near a decade ago (damn, I am getting old/er). Like we had shit to talk about b/c I was the first guy to fuck his wife? Y'know? At any rate, I shook his hand last night b/c I was feeling sociable and benevolent. It got me a dismissive gesture on his part. I just laughed and shook my head. I should have cracked his fucking jaw and tapdanced on his face. If this weren't America, that's what would've happened. C'est la vie. As it is, he can live the soulsucking life of suicidal thoughts, depression and Zoloft spent waking up next to the same girl you married getting fatter by the day. I'll keep my freedom, thanks Guv'nor.

No wonder she's so aggravated. I bounced out on her ass before she hit the expiration date. She told me a few years ago when I ran into her, that after we split up(read that: I broke up with her) she banged a bunch of guys, did some drugs, then met this guy. They've been dating/now married since.
Now she's gotten fat. I haven't. Guess she's mad I wasn't dumb enough to buy in long term. She's probably also mad that she put on enough weight for the both of us to have aged by about 10 years.

That downward slide really starts to pick up speed in the later half of the 20's I've noticed.
It's always struck me as odd that people are angry when you pass on needless and bullshit small talk. If we don't care enough to keep in contact and speak on the regular, why the fuck should we talk b/c we happened to run into one another in a social setting?

1 comment:

  1. Isn't that the best!! Personally when I see an Ex who's put on the pounds I just pity them. I cant understand how people just let themselves go. I'm no hardbody but excersise keeps you looking good. I think it just comes down to some women really buy into the idea that their looks will land them somebody and then they can go to shit once the guy is hooked. Later for that noise!!!!