Monday, January 4, 2010

Tales from the Darkside/If you can fix her you can have her

Buckle up lads. Gather 'round the campfire. Poppa Benedict has a horror story for you....I'm taking a cue from Lifetime....allegedly, this story is based in truth. How much one cannot know for it's me telling you and I've never lied on this blog or the previous incarnations....well, you know my bit. It's all true. Every driven word.

The other night I was watching my Alma Mater do its usual "winning the game by a hefty margin then throwing that away with boneheaded plays" and the like routine which makes being a fan of necessity such a tortuous endeavor. At any rate, I was sitting there and this commercial played. One you may have seen, one you may have not.

In the commercial......
A young man comes riding a bike or some shit down some dusty road. He sees a broken down old car with a note on the car that says "if you fix it you can have it."
I immediately joked, "that's how chicks are. You fix up some other guy's wreck on the side of the road and if you can get it to run again it's all yours. Too bad it comes with all the damage from whatever road she towed before you came along."
A buddy joked, "yeah, wouldn't it be funny if the car's original owner came back after that sucker fixed it up with his time, money, effort etc? Oh wait, people do that to one another all the time."

"Yeah. We've all been out on the town, chatting up some girl and you know that she's either huffing the fumes of your come-on as a cheap fill-in for her addiction to some other dude's cock....and she waits breathlessly for his late night call b/c he didn't bone some other skank."

"We need Carfax for chicks. Like, an automatic resume generator and fact checked list verified for all but the most deceptive girls."

Speaking of which....I almost feel a trace of pity for the scores of guys out there attempting to dress the battle wounds of the girls I've dated. But, it's up to each of us to draw our line in the fucking sand and decide what we will tolerate. I'm surprisingly tolerant of behavior if it's made known fairly early on in a relationship. It's once a girl lets me craft this lady image and then it comes out she's had 3 std's, an abortion, moonlighted as a stripper, and once did 3 guys in a bathroom in Cancun....that's when I start to pack my shit and grab my favorite hat as I step towards the door.

In better of my rogue's gallery members mayhap be returning to my neck of the woods for a spell. This will virtually guarantee the likes of my old stories. Early readers will remember the stories along the lines of "I don't date girls that don't do anal", "Strippers on Tuesday nights", "****** Unplugs an alarm clock b/c the girl sucked"...and other classics.

In news neither good nor bad nor unpredictable, I had lunch with my ex. Again. We talked as only two people that genuinely care for one another can yet find themselves at an impasse. One of the pair is unwilling and/or unable to effect lasting change. The change needed is a dealbreaker. It is a change necessitated by the very definition of "exclusive".

I'd be lying if I sat in the quiet moments and did not wish for her soft hair on my face, her head on my chest, and her breath lightly deepening as she fell asleep.
What can you do? What that part of me wants I cannot give.

Minus the relapse with the ex awhile back, I 've actually behaved otherwise...well that and the other ex. And there was that blonde with the kiss. At any rate, I've actually avoided falling into my usual concurrent dating situation. I suppose that's affecting a discernible change for the time being.

-With Greatest Affection

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