Monday, March 29, 2010

Chasing the Dragon

A weekend out socializing.

Meaningless pursuits and cheap thrills.

Lip glossed smiles and furtive glances.


Time spent with my buddies watching the fights.
Good times.

Unbedazzled. Overheard some chick @ the grappling tourney mention "vajazzling" which brought to mind In Mala Fide and the recent blog ring work on googlebombing.

I am nonplussed. I am in the throes of repetition and meaninglessness. I've been a good little boy as of late, but no pay off. I've been deep in the gym for months and I've considerably bumped up my skills. There has been no definitive test, no tool for measurement to know beyond doubt that I have become a better fighter.

That tells me what is missing.
I haven't fought in awhile.
I've been training since December to go at it again. I need that rush of the crowd and the bright, hot lights cutting out everything else in my life. I need that singular focus of winning while my muscles scream, my lungs burn and adrenaline courses to the point where I don't feel the impact of bone and fist.

There's a quote about Alexis Arguello I have taped up on my desk @ home. It is from an article following Arguello's questionable death/suicide:
"Without the adulation, the constant challenges, the day to day discipline, and the sense of purpose that boxing provided, he was in capable of holding it together. In this sense, as in others, he belongs with his heroes....deeply flawed as a human being, sure, but as a fighting man, immense."

I am part of a long tradition of fighting men. All or nothing individuals, finding solace only in a chosen few and in front of the mob who has paid to see violence and/or skill. From the old saloons to the modern arena, fighting is innate to our gender. It is the fabric of our being.

A man makes himself through force of will alone.

There's a surreal peace when I step through the ropes. What I've wanted, prepared for, and sought out to test myself is at hand.
There is only what will happen. There is a comfort in knowing that. All the nervousness of "When?" has disappeared. There is only "Now".
The blood, sweat, and tears all paid in full as tithe to the fight gods. I have only my ability and my will to carry me forth.

Roll the dice.
Be who and what you are. Take chances. You only win what you put in the middle.

-With Greatest Affection


  1. This post reminded me of a clip I've been meaning to link you.

  2. that is probably the best part of that whole sequel. trumps even the first film's diatribe/tirade by him. glad i made you think of that, quite a compliment, better than most of the ones i've gotten in awhile.

  3. Yea man, agreed. Everything about it is golden, from the music to the one-liners. "Men build things, then we die, it's in our FUCKIN' DNA!"
    Although, they could have done a better job with the rest of the movie, which was pretty disappointing.

  4. once the movie got goin, it wasn't so bad, but yeah, it was pretty mediocre given how long we waited for the sequel. the addition of the hispanic sidekick was lame and felt forced. the accent on the chick from dexter who filled willem dafoe's shoes also felt forced.

  5. Modern man, we are a fucking caged bird.
    We are a wild lion stuck in a tiny urban zoo's enclosure.